Knuckles' Lessons in Life
Lesson 1: Avoid Hitting Enerjak in the Head.
Warning: [Enerjak-bashing, freakiness, insanity and extremely weird happenings]
By: Knux
Contact: Knuckles@KnucklesHaven.zzn.com
Notes: I had a REALLY good time typing this. XD It was originally about Knuckles portal-ing into a weird place where everybody says weird stuff. Got the idea while reading the 'Top Ten' stuff in Knuckles Haven. This is my first 'Sonic the Hedgehog' fanfic so please tell me if I'm good. Please don't flame as reading this fanfic was your choice, not mine.

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There was the sound of crumbling rock as Enerjak was knocked backwards into a wall. Knuckles stood a good distance away, panting heavily. The fight had been going on for fifteen minutes

Enerjak slowly rose from amongst the rubble. Then, he charged. Knuckles side-stepped and brought his right fist down on the back of Enerjak's head. Enerjak lost his balance and fell to the ground. He didn't get up. Knuckles watched his ancestor cautiously. He was no fool. Enerjak was probably just bluffing. Abruptly, Enerjak stood up. He looked around for a moment and turned to face Knuckles. He started to walk slowly towards the Guardian, building up speed, and then breaking into a dash. Knuckles took on a defensive stance. He was ready. He was so ready. He was gonna kick his great-uncle's butt. He was gonna return to Julie-Su and the Chaotix victorious. He was...

Enerjak threw his arms around Knuckles' neck. Latched onto his great-grandson, the evil and all-powerful echidna cried, "Mommy!"

...not ready for this.

"Umm... Dimitri??? Could you let go of me now? As in now? Right now??," Knuckles ventured to ask. Usually, the evil grandmaster of the Dark Legion would fly into a rage whenever Knuckles called him by this name. But now…

Enerjak simply dislodged himself from his nervous and extremely freaked-out great grandnephew and said "I love you mommy." At this Knuckles started backing away. "Umm, yea… right." Enerjak walked forward. "Can we play a game?" Knuckles was extremely freaked. "Um, yeah... Sure... just wait a little while, okay? I gotta go, uh, do something. In the ...meantime, why ...don't...you...you.." Knuckles glanced nervously around. 'Come on! Come on! Gotta find something to distract this freak!!.....Aha!'

"Play with that puppy?" Knuckles pointed at a small puppy dog the had just wandered into view.

Enerjak turned in the direction of said dog and began to run towards it, all the while screaming with glee the words "Puppy! Puppy! Wheee! Puppy! Doggy-doggy-dog!!"

Knuckles looked around for something...anything to bash his great granduncle with. Anything. Anything at all. Knuckles turned around in time to witness the following scene, one which he is sure is the weirdest thing to ever happen on the Floating Island.

Enerjak had crouched down in front of the cute, innocent-looking puppy dog and was cooing to it. Cooing. Yes, cooing. "Oh, you itti-witti lil' cute fluffy doggy-woggy!! Cutey flooffy doggy-woggy-poggy-goggy is a puppy!! Puppy-wuffy-yuffy-muffy-duffy-guffy!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - - - -AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" The once evil, emerald-enhanced robotic echidna never did get to finish his disturbing sentence for the cute, innocent puppy dog had suddenly turned evilly-vicious and scary (It doesn't like being called "Puppy-wuffie") and had pounced onto Enerjak, jaws ready to bite. It chomped.

Enerjak started running around, wailing and crying with the once cute, innocent puppy-dog which is now not a cute, innocent puppy-dog clinging to his head. Then he headed straight for Knuckles.

"MOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYY--!!!!"

"Oh fu-!" was all he managed to get out before Enerjak slammed into him, holding his waist and crying like a baby. Knuckles exasperatedly tore off the puppy (or once-puppy) from Enerjak's scalp, and none too gently at that. This elicited another pained shriek from the evil echidna, which lasted a full minute. Knuckles winced. He could hear some glass shattering somewhere, though he wasn't sure how.

Enerjak slowly got off Knuckles and said, rather tearfully, "Thanks Mommy." "I'm not your mommy". A silence ensued. Enerjak pouted and a few tears made their way down his face. "Mommy doesn't wuv me anymore…" And then a few sniffles. Noticing that his great grand-uncle was gonna start crying again, Knuckles distracted him by saying "Look, over there!" Enerjak turned to look at an obviously blank spot. "Huh?" Knuckles quickly knocked him out with a pipe he found on the floor. He didn't seem to notice how hard he'd hit him, but the fact that the pipe was bent after the impact gave him an idea.

With his evil great granduncle lying unconscious on the ground and the frightening experience over, Knuckles decided he'd been traumatized enough for one day and wandered home.

Enerjak awakened a few moments later. He looked around, confused as to why and what he was doing here. Then he teleported home. I think.

The camera stopped whirring with a click.

~~~o~~~

Somewhere in the recesses of Haven…

"You got it?" Sabre asked the figure at the monitor.

"Yep," Locke turned round in his chair waving a small, square object. "Got it all on tape."

~~~o~~~

In Enerjak's chamber a few days later…

"Sir, a package for you sir! It has been scanned and has been found to contain a video tape. No bombs or objects used for assassination were found sir!" The Dark Legionnaire said, handing the evil robotic echidna his "mail". Enerjak thought this was weird. Why send him a video tape? Enerjak was confused. What confused him even more was the note which said "P.s.: You should run a scan for rabies." Enerjak finally found an answer. 'Aha! It must be to send a message indicating their surrender!! I shall enjoy this!" With that said, Enerjak put the tape into his thinga-majig-tape-player-thingy. He couldn't have been more wrong.

The Dark Legionnaires never did figure out why Enerjak had let out that scream.

~~~o~~~